Constant Fear

today's jayqueue's bday and i msged him but until now also never reply.. okay lo six years of friendship like that.

ytd, out with phoebee <3 was noooooonnnn stop talking. cos we hardly get to meet each other, let alone update our everyday life. and guess what what. we saw ms lydia yyeeaahhhh. HAHAHAH. and then we wanted to check her ring finger, to confirm if she's engaged with mr wongren but, sadly.. no. and then, i was suppose to go for dinner but at the end of the day, i decided to skip it. idk why either. why am i like that. i wished i was, but i dont belong there anymore. to avoid uneasiness and awkwardness i guess, tho i know they've always been really nice to me. but sigh, oh well. that's sadly my life.

you know, i sick and tired of my life. im totally disgusted by it. EVERY GODDAMN day, every stupid second i think abt my studies. how i'm not doing anything to turn the tables around, how i'm letting this good chance slip thru my useless fingers and disappointing my mum. really. i want to let her know actly, i do care alot but i think, im just like that. lazy and putting the blame on everything else (tho sometimes i swear its true) but not myself. its not too late, is it? i dont want to repeat this all over too. i'll never be able to handle this stress.

i feel like saying i can do this, but i doubt im able to.

tmr is father's day and i forgotten cleanly abt it until my grandmother asked me what did i get for dad and i was like " *shitttt* hmm, i made a card for him alr" haha, i better get it done ltr tonight.